the merkin sisters, by the merkin sisters

the merkin sisters

by the merkin sisters

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opentuned This absolutely SLAMS! On its own it stands up, and it stands tall and mighty.

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Stand-up comedian Stéphanie Morin-Robert, Juno-nominated comedy songstress Shirley Gnome, and physical comedy artist Ingrid Hansen have spent a decade touring their live comedy shows across North America. This winter, they convened to write a dark-pop comedy album together. The three multi-award-winning femme comedians holed themselves up in an apartment in Winnipeg in the darkest of January, only venturing out for short walks in the perpetual blizzard to buy wine and chocolate. The resulting album, THE MERKIN SISTERS, is a five song genre-smashing EP with the vibes of a high-budget pop album and cheeky, surprising lyrics.

The album features a sweet and sultry french crooner about murdering abusers and fonduing their flesh in chocolate. A trashy pop tune raises a glass to the Diva Cup and its bloody contents. The Merkin Sisters embody their male dirtbag personas for a husky, revved up country jam with a screaming hook, “DON’T EVER APOLOGISE FOR YOUR BODY!”

Hansen and Morin-Robert began touring their no-holds-barred physical comedy duo The Merkin Sisters to sold-out crowds in 2017. Critics describe their work as “hilarious, terrifying and utterly baffling,” (Vue Weekly Magazine) and “wild and unimaginable, but PISS-YOUR-PANTS FUNNY,” (Montreal Rampage Review). Whether smash dancing in full-body-covering curly ginger suits of hair, turning a pastel-pink woolen sweater into a vulva puppet for an operatic birth scene, or divulging the audience’s darkest secrets on stage, The Merkin Sisters broke the brains of audiences and critics across North America and have been looking forward to ‘birthing’ a new project together ever since, thanks to the generous support for the Canada Council for the Arts’ Digital Now initiative.

Merkin Sisters Hansen and Morin-Robert met comedy musician Shirley Gnome touring the Canadian Festival circuit and had an instant appreciation for each other’s uncensored, subversive, and empowering humour. “Shirley made me laugh so hard I snorted beer up my nose,” says Hansen. “We instantly felt a connection and knew we wanted to welcome her into our MERKIN EMPIRE.” added Morin-Robert. “Being in the raucous crowd of their shows felt like a newfound solidarity with likeminded people,” Gnome finished. Gnome has been heralded as “The Queen troubadour of intelligent dark-comedy sex balladry” by the Edmonton Sun. Her latest solo album Decoxification went to #1 on the Itunes Comedy Charts in Canada and was nominated for a Juno Award for Comedy Album of the Year. Chart-topping Fake Shark front man and Juno award winner Kevvy helmed the production of the EP, rounding out this critically acclaimed team. ... more

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1.	DIVA 03:27	lyrics	buy track
Diva Diva Diva Diva Popped a clot That’s hot Underwear? Don’t care Pamp the poon Full moon Coming soon Bleed for a week, and yet I don’t die Rather let it drip and detoxify Wads of cotton, byebye Just be sure to not misapply Raise your cup up to the sky Toast to us, not some guy Kitty’s got a booboo Diva Diva So do it in my poopoo Diva Diva But when babies go googoo No Diva Diva Or when titties go moo moo No Diva Diva Bleed it in the ocean Bleed it in your mouth Bleed it on the glacier Bleed down south Bleed it in the stream In one of your dreams Till I was empty Bleed myself clean Spotting Cramping Flowing Catching Sobbing Sleeping Ass Pissing Screaming Clotting Sneezing Dropping Never stop my fucking bleeding Hot flushes Hot flushes (HAH) Hot flushes Hot flushes (HAH) Kitty’s got a booboo Diva Diva So do it in my poopoo Diva Diva But when babies go googoo No Diva Diva Or when titties go moo moo No Diva Diva Let it leak Let it leak Stain my sheets Let it leak Let it leak Let it leak Stain my sheets Let it leak (HAH) Ovulate, menstruate Begging that it won’t be late If it is, piss on this Baby shower, make a list Nevermind, I changed my mind Not your choice but it’s mine Not your choice but it’s mine Now pour me another vase of wine Vase of wine Vase of wine (HAH) Kitty’s got a booboo Diva Diva So do it in my poopoo Diva Diva But when babies go googoo No Diva Diva Or when titties go moo moo No Diva Diva Kitty’s got a booboo Diva Diva So do it in my poopoo Diva Diva But when babies go googoo No Diva Diva No gore can surprise me The gore lives inside me Let it leak Kitty’s got a booboo Diva Diva No gore can surprise me The gore lives inside me Stain my sheets But when babies go googoo No Diva Diva No gore can surprise me The gore lives inside me Let it leak Kitty’s got a booboo Diva Diva No gore can surprise me The gore lives inside me Stain my sheets But when babies go googoo No Diva Diva No gore can surprise me The gore lives inside me Diva Diva
2.	CHOCOLAT 03:37	lyrics	buy track
Pour nous C'est notre joie de vivre We just … need it You may never understand It is a way of life A sacred vice. A sacrifice. Chocolat Cacao Sweet Let’s eat Velour So smooth Fondue Moo moo Broken heart? Chocolat Falling apart? Chocolat Grandma died? Chocolat Made you cry? Chocolat Order’s late? Chocolat Masterbate? Chocolat Got too high? Chocolat Where am I? Chocolalala Chocolalala Chocolalala Chocolalalalala Chocolalala Chocolalala Chocolalala Chocolalalalala Rotting in my body’s musk My slippers kick up waves of dust I am dry and without lust Boom chocolat Cannot motivate to shave Hair keeps growing in the grave You thought you broke me, fuck you Dave Boom Boom chocolat Chocolalala Chocolalala Chocolalala Chocolalalalala Chocolalala Chocolalala Chocolalala Chocolalalalala Ooh (Boom Chocolat) Ahh (Boom Boom Chocolat) Uhhh (Boom Chocolat) Ooo (Boom Boom Chocolat) Brrep bap bee deep baa badee ba doo Brrep bap bee deep baa badee ba Brrep bap bee deep baa badee ba doo Brrep bap bee deep baa badee ba Something to distract you, From the emptiness inside you Brrep bap bee deep baa badee ba doo Something to distract you, From the emptiness inside you Brrep bap bee deep baa badee ba doo (I take) I take a little piece and put it in the chocolate (a piece) I take a little piece and put it in the chocolate (inside) I take a little piece and put it in the chocolate (of me) I take a little piece and put it in the chocolate (I take) I take a little piece and put it in the chocolate (a piece) I take a little piece and put it in the chocolate (inside) I take a little piece and put it in the chocolate (of me) I take a little piece and I put it in the chocolate Chocolalala Chocolalala Chocolalala Chocolalalalala Chocolalala Chocolalala Chocolalala Chocolalalalala Chocolalala Chocolalala Chocolalala Chocolalalalala Chocolalala Chocolalala Chocolalala Chocolalalalala Hair keeps growing in the grave You thought you broke me, fuck you Dave
3.	GROSS 03:24	lyrics	buy track
Mm mmm mmm mmm Mm mmm mmm mmm I like turning you off I like turning you off I manspread I eat and earn my own bread Does this float your boat, does it grow your chub I take a piss while I am still in the tub I soak in it Rub a dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub This is why I’m raw raw Pretty be so blah blah I don’t wanna be babe I don’t wanna behave This is why I’m gross gross I be gross for you you Sugar make me choke choke I be gross like dude I like I like like I like turning you off I like turning you off I like to make you go soft I like turning you off Cut my hair Taking space Grow my fuzz Don't wear lace Like to talk Interrupt Spread my legs Don’t give no fucks Girly look a certain way Girly must be dumb dumb Girly must be pretty thing We keep under thumb thumb Girly look a certain way Girly must be dumb dumb Girly must be pretty thing We keep under thumb thumb Thumb thumb … I like turning you off I like turning you off I like to make you go soft I like turning you off Mm mmm mmm mmm Mm mmm mmm mmmmmmm
4.	MUSK 03:55	lyrics	buy track
Yee ha Yee ha Giddy up Giddy up Husky musk Yee ha Yee ha Giddy up Giddy up Husky musk What makes a ram a ram What makes a land a land Who gives a dam a dam What makes a man a man Come and stick it Righty tighty lefty loosey Pound it down, and choke your goosey High heels in my pickup truck Shift the stick with my stiff junk Don’t ever apologize for your body! I man, you man, we man, hey man, my man Don’t ever apologize for your body! I man, you man, we man, hey man, my man Fill your boots up Yee ha Yee ha Giddy up Giddy up Husky musk Yee ha Yee ha Giddy up Giddy up Husky musk I lived for a year in the back of my van Showered in a river, pissed in a pan I got my choke strap, titty rack, ace in the hole Plumb tuckered you out, babe and I’m plumb full Always consensual, super sensual Menstrual, intersexual, intellectual Husky musk king With my own ring a ding ding ding Don’t ever apologize for your body! I man, you man, we man, hey man, my man Don’t ever apologize for your body! I man, you man, we man, hey man, my man Fill your boots up Yee ha Yee ha Giddy up Giddy up Yodel odel lay hee hoo Yee ha Yee ha Giddy up Giddy up Yodel odel lay hee hoo We’ll make art in the barnyard We’ll make art in the barn We’ll make art in the barnyard We’ll make art on the farm We’ll make art in the barnyard We’ll make art in the barn We’ll make art in the barnyard We’ll make art on the farm horse snort Got yer two boot scoot and a bottle of hooch Licking the dirt from an artichoke root If you wanna ride me you’ll have to risk it Butter my butt and call me a biscuit I man, you man, we man, hey man, my man I man, you man, we man, hey man, a-men I man, you man, we man, hey man, my man I man, you man, we man, hey man, a-men horse whinny with truck starting up Don’t ever apologize for your body! I man, you man, we man, hey man, my man Don’t ever apologize for your body! I man, you man, we man, hey man, my man Fill your boots up Don’t ever apologize for your body! I man, you man, we man, hey man, my man Don’t ever apologize for your body! I man, you man, we man, hey man, my man Fill your boots up Yee ha Yee ha Giddy up Giddy up Yodel odel lay hee hoo Yee ha Yee ha Giddy up Giddy up Husky musk
5.	MORE 03:11	lyrics	buy track
More More More More More More More More I fill, my mouth, with everything I need I eat it up, spit it out, on the the cover magazine I’m building up up up come and soak in my cream You can’t tear me down, I’m a self-made queen I dictaphone I never home I want it I own the moon I superbloom Fill my budget More more more Give me more is More more more Fill my budget More needy More greedy More hungry More dreamy More money More honey More yummy More tummy More stress More breast More sex More rest More flash More ass More teat for tat Stack them up Build it tall Sharp and hard I don’t fall Shoulder pads Power suit Crushing plans Not with you Level up, fill my cup Level down, bump bump bump! I fill, my mouth, with everything I need I eat it up, spit it out, on the the cover magazine I’m building up up up come and soak in my cream You can’t tear me down, I’m a self-made queen I dictaphone I never home I want it I own the moon I superbloom Fill my budget More more more Give me more is More more more Fill my budget More, fill me up More, drip my cup More, battleaxe More, laid back bareback You can’t tell me nono You can’t stop my gogo Give me what you got I don’t need it but I’m (HAH HAH HAH HAH) We are the face of an empire You ride a horse? I’m a centaur (HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH) Less is more I dictaphone I never home I want it I own the moon I superbloom Fill my budget More more more Give me more is More more more Fill my budget I dictaphone I never home I want it I own the moon I superbloom Fill my budget More more more Give me more is More more more Fill my budget I fill, my mouth, with everything I need I eat it up, spit it out, on the the cover magazine I’m building up up up come and soak in my cream You can’t tear me down, I’m a self-made queen

credits

released November 13, 2022

Produced by Kevvy
Engineered by Shirley Gnome
Mixed by Kevvy
Mastered by Brock @ CPS Mastering

Written by Stephanie Morin-Robert, Ingrid Hansen, and Shirley Gnome
(+Kevvy on MUSK)

Lyrics by Stephanie Morin-Robert & Ingrid Hansen

Album Artwork by Kurt Firla

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about

the merkin sisters Winnipeg, Manitoba

A mash-up of uncensored comedy, theatre, dance and puppetry, The Merkin Sisters is a vivacious romp sending up our inner caveman and our ultra-queens, smothered with the unique flavour of absurdity that comes from siblings surviving childhood together.

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